Influenster: Marc Jacobs Eyeconic

Marc Jacobs by Influenster

Oh my goodness. Ya’ll. What an exciting day! I signed up several weeks ago for Influenster, drawn in by the allure of free things. I never really expected anything to come of it, or thought if it did they might send me some drugstore makeup in completely unwearable colors. So you can imagine my surprise when I found out I had been selected to receive a complimentary Marc Jacobs Eye-Conic luxury eyeshadow palette in the shade “Glambition!”

This is a gorgeous palette in hugely wearable neutrals, with shimmery gold and rose thrown in for fun! The colors are very creamy and blendable. I’m honored to be part of the Marc Jacobs #TheDressedEye campaign, and have worn these eyeshadows just about every day since I received the palette.

Eyeconic eyeshadow palette in “Glambition”

View Marc Jacobs Eye-Conic at

*This product was sent to me, free of charge, by Influenster for testing and review purposes.

#TheDressedEye #contest

@Influenster @MarcBeauty

on broken things, Part I

What do you do when people fail you? Not a little tiny failure, but a massive, all-consuming failure. A failure that feels like a knife in your stomach, twisting, causing you to collapse to your knees. A failure that leaves a gaping hole in the heart of you and feels like loss. A loss that separates them from you and feels all too much like grief.

Grief takes many forms. It may not always be loud, but it is far from silent. Grief makes its presence known. Grief affects every area of your life, sneaking up on you when you least expect it. It holds you hostage. Learning to live without is an enormous process, and it takes time. So much time.

You look around, and your entire life has been altered. Nothing is the same. You miss the way things were, but you can’t go back, and nothing will be the same again. You miss your friends, but they simply aren’t there anymore. They haven’t died, but they don’t think of you the same anymore, and the easy confidence, the security that you thought would last forever has been stripped away.

You see pictures of them on Facebook, on Instagram, laughing and happy, the same old group of them together, never an empty space to mark where once you would have been. If a friendship can end so simply, so easily, how strong was it really?

They were the ones who – you thought – would circle the wagons for you. The ones you thought of as second parents – perhaps more so than your own. Yet this shows you they aren’t. They aren’t forever. They are human, achingly, tragically, fragile humans.

And then you remember, anyway, how you would always end up in the back of the photograph. The one they crowded in front of, forgetting to make room for. The tag-along, the third wheel. How firmly that had become your role over the last year or two. You were leftover, the one they could always make fun of and then laugh to make it seem a joke. The insecure one, whose contributions were never valued.

You think you will never love again. You think you will never trust again. You think you’ve forgotten how to be a friend because it’s been so long since friendship – true friendship, the kind that doesn’t ask anything of you – has been shown to you, and in the dark nights you fear you’re losing your mind. You feel broken. Anxiety builds its home right next to grief within your gut, stealing your appetite until you look like a skin and bone version of the girl you once were. Your eyes are sad and your face is drawn and you wear far too much makeup, to try and hide the tell-tale dark marks under your eyes.

It is hard. It’s unspeakably hard. Any words I have on the subject are entirely insufficient. So I guess this is just to say: I’ve been there. I know what it’s like. You are not alone. 

Happy Independence Day

Hey friends. 🙂 Happy Fourth of July! For the longest time, this has been my second-favorite holiday, right up after Thanksgiving. I love having a day in the middle of summer to celebrate freedom. That sounds super cliche, but it’s true! I love it when people -friends, family, strangers even- come together over something greater.

There’s so much I should be doing today. My wedding is 28 days away, and there are still SO many things to be done. But I have my dress, and my shoes, and my veil, and my handsome groom, and we have a minister, so really what more is there? I was beginning to quietly freak out and feel overwhelmed the other day and DJ stopped me. He reminded me what this is really about: the start of our lives together, not a production for other people. We are inviting other people to witness our covenant before God, not so we can put on a show and impress them with our perfectly chosen chair-ribbons and placeholders. This is about a marriage, not a wedding.

SO I’m not doing anything today. I slept in until I woke up naturally (do you know what a luxury that is!) and got up slowly. Made coffee, did some yoga. Put on my face, curled my hair, headed over to DJs. Made dessert. Went out and bought fireworks. I’m super excited about the fireworks! Basically I am being as lazy as all get-out, and I don’t feel the slightest bit ashamed of it.

PS. 28 days. If anyone’s counting.

Today I turn 30.

And I have a few thoughts on that.

Another year, another new milestone. Sometimes I catch sight of myself in the mirror and think with a sigh, “Yep. I definitely look thirty.” My baby fat is all gone, and I’ve (mostly) made an uneasy sort of peace with my nose, but there’s a wrinkle on my forehead from squinting in the Colorado sun, and I put on a face cream with retinol before bed these days. By body can’t recover from things as quickly anymore, and the other day I woke up with a fat elbow because presumably I did too many skullcrushers and bicep curls at the gym? At least my metabolism isn’t slowing down yet!

I expected to have life much more figured out by now, but I’m learning that everyone fakes it. You can’t make it thirty trips around the sun without learning a few things, though.

  1. Don’t measure yourself by anyone else’s standards.
  2. Make it your own: your faith, your life, your coffee. But especially your faith. 
  3. Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of your own.
  4. Neither is another’s success.
  5. You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing.
  6. Comparison truly is the thief of joy. This goes hand in hand with the first five bulletpoints. When you measure yourself up against where you think you “should” be, or where your friends are, discontentment is sure to follow. 
  7. “No” really is a complete sentence. It doesn’t require excuses, and it doesn’t require explanation. 
  8. It’s always worth loving.
  9. …Love isn’t mushy feelings. Love is sacrifice.
  10. People will talk about you behind your back. People will gossip about you, and people will judge you. This doesn’t mean they don’t love you. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn, and I used to take it so personally. People are people, and they are weak and imperfect and they will gossip. Give them grace. 
  11. Rejection doesn’t define who you are.
  12. You aren’t responsible for other people’s responses, so stop carrying the weight of that. You may trigger a reaction in someone, but that response is based entirely out of who they are. And people typically react in ways that allow them to stay in their own comfort zone. Safety is the biggest motivator.
  13. People typically do the best that they can.
  14. Social media only gives part of the picture.
  15. Don’t ever change for another person. You might think you can, if it’s important enough and if they are important enough, but true change only ever begins internally. Anything else is false and will either be short-term or lead to resentment. (Compromise, however, is a very good thing, if you treat it rightly. Figure out what is important and non-negotiable, and what is just personal preference, and meet in the middle. If you can’t find a middle, walk away. Again, don’t die on the hill of someone else’s approval.)
  16. Don’t criticize others for things they can’t change.
  17. AND – only criticize others to the exact extent that you are willing to help them change. Look, I get it. We all talk about other people. It makes us feel better about ourselves, doesn’t it? But I’ve been on the other side of that. I’ve been cut down and left there. Don’t do that. Honestly, it’s just being a bully and shows off your own immaturity. If they’re wrong, don’t be all judgy and critical. Show grace and love and before you step in to try and fix things, pray about it first. Pray long and hard. If it’s a matter of personal preference: yours isn’t better just by virtue of it being yours.
  18. There are some valleys you can only ever walk through alone.
  19. Depression is real. No, it’s not a sign of spiritual immaturity. More on this later.
  20. Growth hurts. It’s uncomfortable. But don’t be afraid of it.
  21. The world doesn’t owe you anything. Get rid of that chip on your shoulder.
  22. Life isn’t fair. Live it anyway.
  23. No, what happened to you wasn’t your fault. Own it anyway.  
  24. There’s no such thing as regret. A wonderful Christian mentor told me this one time, and sometimes I can’t wrap my mind around it but mostly I can’t get it out of my head. Make amends for what you have to, and move forward. Stop dwelling on it. Resolve to make a better choice next time. Move forward.
  25. People don’t always extend grace, and they don’t always choose to think the best of you. That’s their choice, and it’s between them and God. Don’t let it make you bitter.
  26. Nothing makes me realize just how much I need Jesus than running late for something and being stuck behind someone with a Wyoming license plate who can’t figure out where they’re going. Or what the speed limit is. Or what a turn signal is. Or how to drive.
  27. Family is not forever. Friends are not forever. Jobs are not forever. Life is not forever. Jesus is forever.
  28. People will fail you. Always. Jesus will never fail you. Never.
  29. Drink the good scotch.
  30. No one else can fulfil you. There will be times when you feel lonely, and you’ll look for another person to fill the emptiness, but this doesn’t work. At best it’s a band-aid. I strongly believe that the human heart is restless until it finds rest in God, but there’s also a personal responsibility there. 

Annnnd….one to grow on:

  1. It says in the Bible that God works all things for good for those who love him and who are called according to his purpose. I believe that. I also believe him when he said that nothing can separate us from God’s love. Now with that confidence tucked in your pocket: go be brave. Take the chances. Be intelligent about your choices, but take chances. Don’t live in fear.