Community looks a lot different for many of us these days. These days, the vast majority of US states have Stay-in-Place orders, not to mention even before those orders began, there were limitations on how many people could gather together. Churches went digital. Restaurants closed. The world seemed to shut down, and people were sent to their corners for universal timeout.

Yet, even before all this began, community meant something different, something unique, to each person. They say loneliness is on the rise, and that connection is at an all-time low. They blame the digital age for much of this, saying we give our time to scrolling social media rather than getting together with friends. Many of us share only the highlights, which in itself is isolating, because who can connect with someone who never struggles the same way you do? And we pull back, and we isolate further, and we post our own highlight reels, and we build our little bubbles that look so perfect to the outside world, but inside we’re aching with loneliness and knowledge of our own messy imperfection that we daren’t share.

Wanna know a secret?

My life doesn’t look all that different these days.

My community has been “a little different” for a while. My best friends in the whole world don’t even live in the same state as I do anymore. One of them never did.

And this virus has only served to reinforce our bond. We’ve started using a video messenger app to record messages to each other, and it’s been wonderful to see their faces. It’s also been new and different to see their faces. We usually communicate in writing, on various messaging platforms, and by tagging each other in Instagram memes.

I used to feel a little ashamed, a little bit less-than. Doesn’t everyone have a huge friendship circle they can spend time with in-person? It’s certainly been stressed to me that I should. That I was less-than if I didn’t. That there was something wrong with me. That I wasn’t living up to what God wanted of me.

The human heart craves connection more than almost anything. One thing this quarantine has stressed to me is this: I already have connection. And it is not less-than.

In fact, you might even say it is immeasurably more.

Do you suffer from decision paralyzation, too?

I was having some Deep Shower Thoughts this morning and was realizing that a good part of what holds me in place is the fact that, despite my desire to be all things to all people, I am crushed beneath the knowledge that I never can be. Hence I never start, and never try because of the certain knowledge of failure. Good intentions are all very well, but until we’re able to hop down from the pedestal that we imagine we are on to other people, we won’t ever be able to truly relate to anyone.

When it comes down to it, I would rather relate than instruct. Yet my brain tells me if I can’t instruct, I’m worthless as a writer. My heart tells me to connect, because my worth is intrinsic.

I’m following my heart in this.

(boy, does that feel weird to say! 😆)

I’m trying to implement a regular writing practice. It’s a very small step, I know, but I have a date with myself every Monday, and so far I haven’t skipped a day since I’ve implemented it. (only a few months, but small consistencies are still consistencies!)

Gosh, it’s been so long since I’ve written here! I feel like I probably owe you all an introduction, but I’m not going to do it. If you’re here, chances are you know me. If you don’t know me…well, sticking around is probably not the best way to go about it, since I update this blog with shocking infrequency! I have decided, however, to at least attempt to use this blog as a way of keeping me accountable.

Anyone remember LiveJournal? This is my new LiveJournal. An online, very uninteresting diary of sorts.

So. Hi. 🙂

“I’d like to add some beauty to life. I’d love to make people have a pleasanter time because of me… to have some little joy or idea or happy thought that would never have existed if I hadn’t been born.”
—L.M. Montgomery

…to Brave.

<100 Days to Brave>

I impulsively ordered this book off of Amazon after listening to the author’s podcast one day. She was talking about how she had just moved to a new place and knew absolutely no one, and one thing she said stuck out to me in a really big way: She said YES to every single invitation she got. To meet up for coffee, to attend a Mary Kay party, to go out with a group. The answer was always YES.

And I thought to myself, how brave! As an introvert, I value my alone time. I glory in my ability to say NO to things. But often I tend to over-indulge this grown-up privilege and withdraw, keeping far to close to home when I should be out there being brave. So when she started talking about the devotional book she had written for girls just like me, perhaps more courageous than we allow ourselves to live, those surrounding themselves by fear (aka safety!) and living smaller than we should, I hopped right online and bought it.

The challenge for Day One is simply this: tell someone that you’re starting this journey. So I’m telling you. I don’t think I have massive amounts of blog readers so far, but sometimes it’s better that way, isn’t it? Imagine we’re sitting at a coffee shop, and it’s sweater weather and the fireplace is crackling and our lattes have that gorgeous art on the top and we’re Instagramming it all and sitting in the light surface-y conversation and then I draw a deep breath and confess to you, “I want to be brave. I’ve been living my life so small, and allowing fear to hold me back. So I’m taking this challenge called 100 Days to Brave. Do you want to take it with me?”

So how about it. Be brave with me?

My girls. My tribe. Encouragers, truth-speakers, and some of the most courageous and strong women I have ever known. Words cannot express how honored I was to have them all by my side on my wedding day. They’ve been with me through so much, never wavering in their friendship, love, and loyalty. These are the ones who will circle the wagons, and be there for me when I need them – which they have proven over and over. Theirs is no friendship of convenience or ease, but fierce once-in-a-lifetime loyalty. I can’t imagine my life without you!

My only regret is how far apart we all live! My sister lives in Connecticut, Rissa in Mississippi, Heather in South Dakota, and Jacinta in Virginia! Honestly, when I look at all of us it’s amazing how we all stay connected. But some people are just special, and neither time nor distance separates you.

There are others I could list, others I wished I could say were there with me but who were not. But though my heart ached with the loss, they were all there with me, held close in my heart, and I’m overwhelmingly grateful I was able to share the day with these four. (Stay tuned, because I’d like to do a feature with each one of them!)